Saturday 26 July 2014
26 July 2014: A Note To You
And what if I can’t bring myself to delete your pictures? Or
to erase your words and the moments we shared? Because I know we’re over, I know
we’ve ended. But I’m not angry at you. I can’t be angry at you. I still look at
you and your photos with as much compassion as I always did. And a
part of me always will. A piece of you will forever be in my heart and a part
of my life and my past will be reserved just for you. Whether that be in
memories or feelings, please know that I’m always here for you xx
26 July 2014: Young and Oblivious
I miss how things used to be. How when we were younger we
were easily amused and carefree.
I miss the little things that granted so much happiness and
the way everyday felt like a brand new adventure.
I miss how everyone was once innocent and knew nothing of
stereotypes.
I miss the way our problems were almost non-existent and stress
wasn’t even in our vocabulary.
26 July 2014: Danger To Myself
Sometimes I am a huge danger to myself and take risks just
for the sake of it. When I get in my depressed moods is when most of these
risks occur. Because in those moments I don’t care about anything anymore. I walk
around in a numb state of mind, both physically and mentally.
I extract myself from situations for no reason at all. I get in this down mood where only one or two certain people can pull me up from.
The dangerous situations that I get stuck in are purely my own fault. I know the consequences and I know the possible harsh effects.
I extract myself from situations for no reason at all. I get in this down mood where only one or two certain people can pull me up from.
26 July 2014: Goodbye and Good Riddance
I think it’s sad that people wish away so much of their
lives. That we want to erase numerous parts of our past. That we just “can’t
wait for this week to be over”.
Sunday 6 July 2014
06 July 2014: I Think Of You Every Single Day
For the one I miss the most who I will never be able to see again. No matter how strange, I think of you everyday and I would give anything to have one more moment with you. This song is yours. Love you forever x
My heart feels like
it's broken
Like I'm missing a
piece of my soul
I feel you watching
from above
Each day as I grow
old
I feel like you're a
part of me
That you would have
really cared
Like you felt all my
pain
For the three months
you were here
Oh I want to know
you
I just want you in
my life
To have you hear all
about my day
And have lunch with
you on a Sunday
It's moments like
these I wish we could share
For now we're apart,
but one day I'll join you up there
I've heard all the
stories
About your redeeming
qualities
About your love for
fast cars
And your kindness
and generosity
Tears well in my
eyes as I picture you, in my mind
And as your birthday
passes and we celebrate your life
I can't help but
wonder, if you were still here, what it would be like.
I can only imagine
that you are with me in every way
Filling my life with
love, each and every day
Oh I want to know
you
I just want you in
my life
To have you hear all
about my day
And have lunch with
you on a Sunday
It's moments like
these I wish we could share
For now we're apart,
but one day I'll join you up there
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're not in my
sight but you are in my mind
Photographs are all
I'm left with, without them I'm blind.
When the stars align
and the skies turn grey
I will finally be
able to see you
When heaven takes me
away
For now, I pray.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh I want to know
you
I just want you in
my life
To have you hear all
about my day
And have lunch with
you on a Sunday
It's moments like
these I wish we could share
For now we're apart,
but one day I'll join you up there
06 July 2014: You Don't Know What I Hide
You are jealous so you judge. You use the power of words to hurt me, whether it is intentionally I am not sure.
But you don't really know what you are jealous of. You only see what I want to show you. What I choose to be known as. You don't see the real me...no one does.
But you don't really know what you are jealous of. You only see what I want to show you. What I choose to be known as. You don't see the real me...no one does.
Saturday 5 July 2014
05 July 2014: One Girl's Story (Headspace)
This girl's story pretty much exactly sums up my own feelings (Headspace)
"It’s not something you plan for or even expect, or it wasn’t that way for me anyway. It came out of nowhere. I had no reason to feel the way I did, but I couldn’t control it.
Once depression took hold of me, I battled it, at times to breaking point. I guess throughout my entire life I never really trusted anyone. I had experienced a lot of loss and maybe that was what made things end up the way they did...
I spent almost a year feeling the worst I’ve ever felt without anyone knowing. I had a roof over my head, an amazing family and clothes on my back, I had everything you need to live, but I never felt alive. After feeling like that, I then felt guilty for having so much when there are people who have nothing. I had everything and I was nothing. I shut myself off from everyone and I guess you could say I bottled up my emotions until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was fragile to say the least.
One minute I would be so angry and work myself up to the point of throwing things and saying a lot of things I regret now and the next I was either just sad or felt nothing at all. All the anxiety attacks, all of the sleepless nights, stress, migraines and feeling sick eventually caught up with me. For a long time I think I was in denial of the fact that something wasn’t right. Even my family had tried to convince themselves that it was just the “moody teenage years” kicking in, but there was nothing I could do to tell anyone how I felt. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t talk about it or bring myself to admit I needed help. I screamed out for help in other ways. I had an inability to express what I was going through.
I feel worthless and like I don't belong anywhere for so long, I have trouble expressing my feelings. I learnt a lot about myself because of all this and what I am going through has become a huge part of me.
It’s hard to hide your feelings from a world that believes you are fine, but the truth is that you shouldn’t have to."
"It’s not something you plan for or even expect, or it wasn’t that way for me anyway. It came out of nowhere. I had no reason to feel the way I did, but I couldn’t control it.
Once depression took hold of me, I battled it, at times to breaking point. I guess throughout my entire life I never really trusted anyone. I had experienced a lot of loss and maybe that was what made things end up the way they did...
I spent almost a year feeling the worst I’ve ever felt without anyone knowing. I had a roof over my head, an amazing family and clothes on my back, I had everything you need to live, but I never felt alive. After feeling like that, I then felt guilty for having so much when there are people who have nothing. I had everything and I was nothing. I shut myself off from everyone and I guess you could say I bottled up my emotions until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was fragile to say the least.
One minute I would be so angry and work myself up to the point of throwing things and saying a lot of things I regret now and the next I was either just sad or felt nothing at all. All the anxiety attacks, all of the sleepless nights, stress, migraines and feeling sick eventually caught up with me. For a long time I think I was in denial of the fact that something wasn’t right. Even my family had tried to convince themselves that it was just the “moody teenage years” kicking in, but there was nothing I could do to tell anyone how I felt. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t talk about it or bring myself to admit I needed help. I screamed out for help in other ways. I had an inability to express what I was going through.
I feel worthless and like I don't belong anywhere for so long, I have trouble expressing my feelings. I learnt a lot about myself because of all this and what I am going through has become a huge part of me.
It’s hard to hide your feelings from a world that believes you are fine, but the truth is that you shouldn’t have to."
05 July 2014: For Better Or Worse...I Will Aways Love You
Divorce, splitting up, separation...whatever you want to call it, there's no positivity behind these labels.
I died inside when I came home and heard that my aunty and uncle were splitting up. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I was silently gasping for air. I've never had to experience anything like this before. I have such a large family but we are all close-knit and very family orientated.
This aunty and uncle of mine in particular I am very close to. They have lived in the house beside me practically my whole life. From as far back as I can remember they were there, always with an open door, giving me presents for my birthday and helping me to celebrate it, video camera at the ready on Christmas mornings, partying with us in the backyard etc. etc. They are like my second parents and I've always felt that if anything happened to my Mum and Dad, it would be my aunty and uncle who would take me and my siblings in as their own children.
There is a reason I hate change. I don't know what to think, how to act or feel or what the future is going to hold. Which one will move out? My aunty most probably but will my uncle still work on the farm? How often will my cousins be going backwards and forwards between their parents? Will both my aunty and uncle still come to family gatherings?
Now all I hear at home is hushed conversations between Mum and Dad about loans, mortgages, housing, solicitors etc etc. I feel like these are things I shouldn't have to worry about, being my parent's 'child' but the truth is, I'm not a child anymore. I know how these things work and how having something like this happen could completely ruin a business partnership. There are certain contracts binding my father, mother, aunty and uncle together. Some contracts are split just between my uncle and dad but others are split between the four. Even my grandmother is included in some. All this worries me. How will our financial situation go now? Will we have to buy out my aunty? Will the farm go broke? And I'm worried about my grandma's reaction to this. Her son's marriage is breaking up and my grandma and I are alike in that we feel too much for others and worry about everyone else. When I first found out I had hopes that my uncle and aunty would just be separating and would eventually be happy together again. Now I know this won't be happening. :/
So much more stress and worry now as these thoughts constantly fill my head. I never thought this would have happened. Ever. I feel like I'm living through a nightmare. But this nightmare has come true.
They say they just aren't happy together but how can they be happy apart? Alone? Does three grown up children and twenty plus years of marriage count for nothing? What hope do the rest of us have?
Whatever happened to "till death do us part"? Why can nothing ever last?
My heart is aching and I'm feeling so much pain at the moment so I can only imagine what they are all going through. I cried when I found out and can't stop thinking about it still. I love them with all my heart and I really hope they have made the best decision, the right decision for them.
I died inside when I came home and heard that my aunty and uncle were splitting up. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I was silently gasping for air. I've never had to experience anything like this before. I have such a large family but we are all close-knit and very family orientated.
This aunty and uncle of mine in particular I am very close to. They have lived in the house beside me practically my whole life. From as far back as I can remember they were there, always with an open door, giving me presents for my birthday and helping me to celebrate it, video camera at the ready on Christmas mornings, partying with us in the backyard etc. etc. They are like my second parents and I've always felt that if anything happened to my Mum and Dad, it would be my aunty and uncle who would take me and my siblings in as their own children.
There is a reason I hate change. I don't know what to think, how to act or feel or what the future is going to hold. Which one will move out? My aunty most probably but will my uncle still work on the farm? How often will my cousins be going backwards and forwards between their parents? Will both my aunty and uncle still come to family gatherings?
Now all I hear at home is hushed conversations between Mum and Dad about loans, mortgages, housing, solicitors etc etc. I feel like these are things I shouldn't have to worry about, being my parent's 'child' but the truth is, I'm not a child anymore. I know how these things work and how having something like this happen could completely ruin a business partnership. There are certain contracts binding my father, mother, aunty and uncle together. Some contracts are split just between my uncle and dad but others are split between the four. Even my grandmother is included in some. All this worries me. How will our financial situation go now? Will we have to buy out my aunty? Will the farm go broke? And I'm worried about my grandma's reaction to this. Her son's marriage is breaking up and my grandma and I are alike in that we feel too much for others and worry about everyone else. When I first found out I had hopes that my uncle and aunty would just be separating and would eventually be happy together again. Now I know this won't be happening. :/
So much more stress and worry now as these thoughts constantly fill my head. I never thought this would have happened. Ever. I feel like I'm living through a nightmare. But this nightmare has come true.
They say they just aren't happy together but how can they be happy apart? Alone? Does three grown up children and twenty plus years of marriage count for nothing? What hope do the rest of us have?
Whatever happened to "till death do us part"? Why can nothing ever last?
My heart is aching and I'm feeling so much pain at the moment so I can only imagine what they are all going through. I cried when I found out and can't stop thinking about it still. I love them with all my heart and I really hope they have made the best decision, the right decision for them.
05 July 2014: You Are Not Alone, I Am With You
Songs that help me through the worst of times. As depressing as they are, they perfectly resemble and let me know that I'm not alone even when I am.
(Lyrics with speech marks represent words that other people have said to or about the person with a mental illness)
When She Cries - Britt Nicole
A home is no place to hide, her heart is aching from the pain that she feels.
Everyday's the same, she fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she cries.
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?
Everyone's singing but she can't seem to smile. They never get past arms length, how could they act like everything is alright? Pulling down her long sleeves, to cover all the memories the scars leave. She says, "maybe making me bleed, will be the answer that could wash the slate clean."
The Last Night - Skillet
"You come to me with scars on your wrist. You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this."
I just came to say goodbye. Didn't want you to see me cry. I'm fine but I know it's a lie.
"This is the last night you'll spend alone. Look me in the eyes so I know you know. I'm everywhere you want me to be. The last night you'll spend alone. I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go. I'm everything you need me to be."
"Your parents say everything is your fault. But they don't know you like I know you, they don't know you at all".
I'm so sick of when they say it's just a phase, you'll be okay, you're fine. But I know it's a lie.
"The night is so long when everything's wrong. If you give me your hand I will help you hold on, tonight."
Would It Matter - Skillet
If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care? If my time was up I'd wanna know, you were happy I was there.
I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone, someone that I like better.
Why - Rascal Flatts
"It must've been in a place so dark you couldn't feel the light reachin' for you through that stormy cloud. Now here we are gathered in our little hometown, this can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd. Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'. Was there anything I could have said or done? Oh, I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong. And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song."
(Lyrics with speech marks represent words that other people have said to or about the person with a mental illness)
When She Cries - Britt Nicole
A home is no place to hide, her heart is aching from the pain that she feels.
Everyday's the same, she fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she cries.
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?
Everyone's singing but she can't seem to smile. They never get past arms length, how could they act like everything is alright? Pulling down her long sleeves, to cover all the memories the scars leave. She says, "maybe making me bleed, will be the answer that could wash the slate clean."
The Last Night - Skillet
"You come to me with scars on your wrist. You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this."
I just came to say goodbye. Didn't want you to see me cry. I'm fine but I know it's a lie.
"This is the last night you'll spend alone. Look me in the eyes so I know you know. I'm everywhere you want me to be. The last night you'll spend alone. I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go. I'm everything you need me to be."
"Your parents say everything is your fault. But they don't know you like I know you, they don't know you at all".
I'm so sick of when they say it's just a phase, you'll be okay, you're fine. But I know it's a lie.
"The night is so long when everything's wrong. If you give me your hand I will help you hold on, tonight."
Would It Matter - Skillet
If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care? If my time was up I'd wanna know, you were happy I was there.
I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone, someone that I like better.
Why - Rascal Flatts
"It must've been in a place so dark you couldn't feel the light reachin' for you through that stormy cloud. Now here we are gathered in our little hometown, this can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd. Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'. Was there anything I could have said or done? Oh, I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong. And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song."
Thursday 3 July 2014
03 July 2014: Long Time No Post
How great is happiness?! Seriously!
Most sane people probably wouldn't have actually spent the time sitting and thinking about it but then there's those few types of people who have learnt not to take that emotion for granted. Believe me, coming from someone who spent a long time without that feeling in their life, happiness is the most amazing feeling - despite love.
I'd forgotten what it was like to just have a good day. Waking up feeling refreshed and happy, doing housework while singing along (that trusty broom makes a great microphone!), knowing you have a great plan set out for that afternoon even if that just means staying in and watching movies while eating popcorn.
As much as I've gone through in the past year and a half, mentally and physically, it has all taught me many lessons: the strongest being to not take anything for granted, especially positive thoughts and feelings. These are what you live for. I aim to keep my thoughts and feelings hidden most of the time but try to be the person who reflects positivity and happiness. Whether that means smiling at random strangers, being the girl who is always laughing or being able to put a positive spin on bad situations, I believe that everyone needs someone like this in their life. For them to go and talk to this person no matter what the time and know that they will walk away from that conversation feeling ten times better. Weirdly, I have always felt that it's my duty to be one of these people. Laughing at everything comes naturally to me and I find it easy to see the positive in other people's situations. I fight constant battles with myself, my thoughts and my experiences but to be able to be the person that keeps others sane is what I hope I have become over the years.
Most sane people probably wouldn't have actually spent the time sitting and thinking about it but then there's those few types of people who have learnt not to take that emotion for granted. Believe me, coming from someone who spent a long time without that feeling in their life, happiness is the most amazing feeling - despite love.
I'd forgotten what it was like to just have a good day. Waking up feeling refreshed and happy, doing housework while singing along (that trusty broom makes a great microphone!), knowing you have a great plan set out for that afternoon even if that just means staying in and watching movies while eating popcorn.
As much as I've gone through in the past year and a half, mentally and physically, it has all taught me many lessons: the strongest being to not take anything for granted, especially positive thoughts and feelings. These are what you live for. I aim to keep my thoughts and feelings hidden most of the time but try to be the person who reflects positivity and happiness. Whether that means smiling at random strangers, being the girl who is always laughing or being able to put a positive spin on bad situations, I believe that everyone needs someone like this in their life. For them to go and talk to this person no matter what the time and know that they will walk away from that conversation feeling ten times better. Weirdly, I have always felt that it's my duty to be one of these people. Laughing at everything comes naturally to me and I find it easy to see the positive in other people's situations. I fight constant battles with myself, my thoughts and my experiences but to be able to be the person that keeps others sane is what I hope I have become over the years.
Monday 14 April 2014
14 April 2014: Seven Things
http://shelbyirwin11.blogspot.com.au/2013/10/all-you-need-to-do-is-copy-paste-this.html
Seven Deadly Sins
seven great things in your
life.
1. Family and friends
2. Instagram
3. The ability to have new beginnings
4. Finding what makes me so happy: writing
5. Having parents who care about you
6. Music
7. Internet
seven things you lack and
covet.
1. Having someone I trust with all of my heart
2. Money
3. A pretty face and body
4. The ability to not care/worry about things I shouldn’t
5. Sleep
6. Complete happiness
7. A one true love
seven things that make you
angry.
1. Being lied to
2. Rude people
3. Being used
4. Not being appreciated
5. Accomplishments not being noticed
6. Not being happy with my life
7. Not being able to afford things I want
seven things that you neglect
to do.
1. Wash my car
2. Study as much as I should
3. Stop eating junk food
4. Start exercising
5. Go to the doctors when I should
6. Organise my room
7. Stop buying online
seven worldly material desires.
1. A new camera
2. A new phone
3. A new car
4. A new laptop
5. New clothes
5. New clothes
6. My own room
7. Perfect
teeth
seven guilty pleasures.
1. Unhealthy food
2. Social networking
3. TV series
4. Talking to good looking guys
5. Peaches and nectarines
6. Anything summer related
7. Using a lot of internet
seven things you love about
love.
1. Having someone who understands you.
2. Cute text messages
3. Knowing someone can make you laugh on the worst day.
4. Having those little things that you remind you of each other.
5. Having someone cuddle/kiss/wrap their arms around you always
6. Being able to be yourself and know they'll still be there.
7. Having them see you at your worst and know they still think you’re beautiful
**EDIT: After re-reading this two months after posting it, I can see how vain I was. A lot has changed over those few months so I would like to think that my opinions would be less materialistic today.
7. Having them see you at your worst and know they still think you’re beautiful
**EDIT: After re-reading this two months after posting it, I can see how vain I was. A lot has changed over those few months so I would like to think that my opinions would be less materialistic today.
Thursday 10 April 2014
10 April 2014: Questions and Answers
Some deep and heartfelt answers involved in this blog. Definitely some questions worth thinking about!
Questions accessed from:
http://justsimplysk.tumblr.com/post/34900894336/answers-to-23-deep-ass-questions-ask-away
1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
I’ve kind of had practice telling someone how I feel so I am not as shy about it as I first was. Yes it is super nerve-racking but in the end you feel a kind of relief for finally getting it off your chest.
As I’m really insecure I definitely feel that looking into someone’s eyes when they are letting me how they feel would be more difficult. I would be so scared as to what they would say, what my reaction would be and how it would affect our future.
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
The last time I was really angry was at my ex-boyfriend who I realised lied to me constantly throughout a relationship. What made me angrier was the fact that he also lied to my parents and my family. I let him into my life, my parents welcomed him into our home, my family went out of their way to meet him and make him feel comfortable and almost everything he said was a lie. Any thoughts I have about him now are full of hatred. I think about things he did throughout our relationship that also made me angry: going through my phone, photos and messages because he didn’t trust me, feeling jealous and questioning me about guys (and girls!), expecting me to do certain things because he wanted to, laughing AT me and not in a loving way. I definitely still feel the same way and I hope I never see him again.
3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
I’d call my mother and hope to God that she puts me on speaker for the rest of my family to hear. I would give her messages to pass onto my friends but more importantly my family. I would tell everyone I love them but mostly just want Mum and Dad to know.
4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
No I wouldn’t tell anyone, or if I did I would tell my parents. But only to justify my reasons for doing what I do with my last remaining days. I would be so afraid as I’m scared of death. I would go for a quick holiday to America as I have always wanted to, show my mother the songs and everything I have written in secret and be completely fearless and have a month full of firsts!
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
Love. Love. Love. Love. The people you love are ones you already trust. Love comes naturally so to be without it would be a sad and depressing world.
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dog’s life? Why or Why not?
Definitely save the dog. That would be a terrible thing to regret doing and if you can live with yourself after letting a dog or anything drown then I feel sorry for you.
7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
Love the most I think. Because if you love them, you can generally forgive them in time.
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
I would be completely shocked as I can never see that happening and probably a little scared at first! But I have nothing against those who like the same gender. I would feel terrible because I don’t feel the same way for her but she would still definitely be my best friend.
9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
I wish I could say I would, but I probably wouldn’t. I feel so selfish but a year is a long time with a lot of memories. And the last person who I know who died was my cousin who was very sick. I wouldn’t want them to have another hour or sickness or pain.
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Yes I think so! There are parts of me I don’t like but knowing my personality and deep down I will always be there to listen to a friend and give them as much advice as I know how to give.
11. Does love = sex?
I really don’t know what my opinion is to this question. But I know love changes sex.
12. Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
As selfish as it sounds, I wouldn’t just offer to leave the company straight out because I still have to make a living. I’d offer to cut back some of my hours so that they could still have some sort of income, even if it wasn’t as much and help them find a fulltime job.
13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
A couple of months ago. It wasn’t face to face but it was a very relieving and quite joyful moment for me. It didn’t end up working out in my favour and yes it was quite difficult but the subject came up and I couldn’t lie.
14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
Don’t love them back because I always feel terrible about that.
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
My loved ones. I am so afraid of death and of losing the people I know.
16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
Yesterday and either my brother, Mum or cat
17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
I would change believing what a guy told me because he only wanted one thing.
18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
Absolutely. I have never thought of CPR as anything but saving someone and I’ve always thought it to be a stranger. A person is a person regardless of their status or living situation.
19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
Selfishly I would let the baby go. I am too afraid of my loved ones dying.
20. Are you old fashioned?
In some ways, yes. In others, definitely not.
21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
I can’t remember the last time but I always try to be nice and not expect anything in return for it.
22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
True love. Just like the saying, “Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” I never want to go without feeling true love no matter what the outcome.
23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
Happiness. If you are happy and have positivity you can get through anything.
Questions accessed from:
http://justsimplysk.tumblr.com/post/34900894336/answers-to-23-deep-ass-questions-ask-away
1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
I’ve kind of had practice telling someone how I feel so I am not as shy about it as I first was. Yes it is super nerve-racking but in the end you feel a kind of relief for finally getting it off your chest.
As I’m really insecure I definitely feel that looking into someone’s eyes when they are letting me how they feel would be more difficult. I would be so scared as to what they would say, what my reaction would be and how it would affect our future.
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
The last time I was really angry was at my ex-boyfriend who I realised lied to me constantly throughout a relationship. What made me angrier was the fact that he also lied to my parents and my family. I let him into my life, my parents welcomed him into our home, my family went out of their way to meet him and make him feel comfortable and almost everything he said was a lie. Any thoughts I have about him now are full of hatred. I think about things he did throughout our relationship that also made me angry: going through my phone, photos and messages because he didn’t trust me, feeling jealous and questioning me about guys (and girls!), expecting me to do certain things because he wanted to, laughing AT me and not in a loving way. I definitely still feel the same way and I hope I never see him again.
3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
I’d call my mother and hope to God that she puts me on speaker for the rest of my family to hear. I would give her messages to pass onto my friends but more importantly my family. I would tell everyone I love them but mostly just want Mum and Dad to know.
4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
No I wouldn’t tell anyone, or if I did I would tell my parents. But only to justify my reasons for doing what I do with my last remaining days. I would be so afraid as I’m scared of death. I would go for a quick holiday to America as I have always wanted to, show my mother the songs and everything I have written in secret and be completely fearless and have a month full of firsts!
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
Love. Love. Love. Love. The people you love are ones you already trust. Love comes naturally so to be without it would be a sad and depressing world.
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dog’s life? Why or Why not?
Definitely save the dog. That would be a terrible thing to regret doing and if you can live with yourself after letting a dog or anything drown then I feel sorry for you.
7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
Love the most I think. Because if you love them, you can generally forgive them in time.
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
I would be completely shocked as I can never see that happening and probably a little scared at first! But I have nothing against those who like the same gender. I would feel terrible because I don’t feel the same way for her but she would still definitely be my best friend.
9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
I wish I could say I would, but I probably wouldn’t. I feel so selfish but a year is a long time with a lot of memories. And the last person who I know who died was my cousin who was very sick. I wouldn’t want them to have another hour or sickness or pain.
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Yes I think so! There are parts of me I don’t like but knowing my personality and deep down I will always be there to listen to a friend and give them as much advice as I know how to give.
11. Does love = sex?
I really don’t know what my opinion is to this question. But I know love changes sex.
12. Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
As selfish as it sounds, I wouldn’t just offer to leave the company straight out because I still have to make a living. I’d offer to cut back some of my hours so that they could still have some sort of income, even if it wasn’t as much and help them find a fulltime job.
13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
A couple of months ago. It wasn’t face to face but it was a very relieving and quite joyful moment for me. It didn’t end up working out in my favour and yes it was quite difficult but the subject came up and I couldn’t lie.
14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
Don’t love them back because I always feel terrible about that.
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
My loved ones. I am so afraid of death and of losing the people I know.
16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
Yesterday and either my brother, Mum or cat
17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
I would change believing what a guy told me because he only wanted one thing.
18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
Absolutely. I have never thought of CPR as anything but saving someone and I’ve always thought it to be a stranger. A person is a person regardless of their status or living situation.
19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
Selfishly I would let the baby go. I am too afraid of my loved ones dying.
20. Are you old fashioned?
In some ways, yes. In others, definitely not.
21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
I can’t remember the last time but I always try to be nice and not expect anything in return for it.
22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
True love. Just like the saying, “Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” I never want to go without feeling true love no matter what the outcome.
23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
Happiness. If you are happy and have positivity you can get through anything.
Thursday 3 April 2014
03 April 2014: I told myself don't get attached, but in my mind I play it back...
Do you ever have those few people in your life who have
previously treated you so badly, drained you from so many tears you didn’t know
you could possibly cry, kept you up all hours of the night thinking and worrying…but
still you can’t feel a constant stream of hate towards them even though you
feel they strongly deserve it? They are sometimes the people that others warned you about,
or that your gut feeling said not to go there but when it comes to love and
feelings the brain stops working and the heart takes over.
With love and the person you are in a relationship with, I
believe there are two extremes…either pure happiness or heartache. With or
without love people feel these emotions even just thinking about it. Those
without love feel heartbreak because all they can think about is the love they
desire. And those with love are either so genuinely happy that they have found
their soul mate and in this case a heart ache is a positive thing from loving
too much, or their heart is aching because they are broken on the inside from
secretly knowing that the love they have is not right and not meant to be but
they can’t speak these words for fear of what might happen once they do. The
heart knows what it feels before the brain realises it.
Thinking about your love (or lack of it) can either keep
your world spinning around or stop it completely. It’s the difference between a
red and green light, heaven and hell, a birth or a death. You can either feel
the butterflies of a happy nervousness or heart ache because you love someone
so much and can’t believe they’re yours, or the butterflies of dread and heart
ache that the person you are with is not right for you or because you aren’t
with the person you wish could have fall in love with you.
In my experience, those who hurt you, break you. It may only
be for a few days, a few months or a few years. First comes shock, then
sadness: the days of numbness and the nights of crying. Anger follows on from
that and if you are lucky, happiness from the thankfulness that what you had is
over and you are able to move on. Unfortunately for me, after the anger
happiness doesn’t come straightaway. I tend to lean back towards the sadness
and go into a state of depression. This has happened to me twice. The first
time was only a slight, hardly noticeable stage of depression but the second
and most recent time had me so far deep into a hole my thoughts and feelings
had dug myself into that I couldn’t get myself out of. Or maybe it was subconsciously
that I didn’t/don’t want to. At first the feeling of depression was something I
didn’t realise I had. I thought it was just a normal unhappiness that comes
with being treated wrongly and that it would go away in a few weeks. But then I
began to realise that this was actually an illness and a type of depression. I
didn’t care about anything anymore. Things I used to put so much effort into
didn’t have a place in my heart anymore. Friends I used to enjoy being around
couldn’t make me feel any happiness. I lived for nightfall when I could crawl
into bed, be alone crying silently while listening to sad songs with artists
that understood me and lyrics that completely described my thoughts and
feelings at the time. Apart from sitting down in the shower, I felt that at
night was the only time I could let out my true emotions. I didn’t dare tell
anyone how I was really feeling. I’m not an open person at the best of times
but I didn’t know if this was because of a fear of judgement and people not
understanding and laughing at my thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t bear to have
someone laugh or judge how I was feeling, hence the preference to keep quiet
and my internal pact to never be so open.
The second guy that broke me was the worst feeling. I don’t
know why I always feel so strongly whenever I feel emotions. I am unfortunately
extremely sensitive and feel everything so deeply. Strangely enough, I started
having feelings for this guy a few months before we ever even spoke. Like my
normal self, I crushed from afar. For a few different reasons I tried to ignore
my feelings as I didn’t want to fall for him. Starting off it was because a
girl I worked with had something going on with him but although I felt he was
leading her on and playing with her feelings, she really liked him. I was one
of the girls that she spoke to about these problems with him. As I’m not an
open book, it was easy to hide my feelings for this guy and stay on her side of
the problem. A couple months later they had a big fight and he was looking for
someone to talk to. Good old Facebook and its ability to both connect and break
up people. He wrote a status complaining that people he spoke to couldn’t hold
a conversation or didn’t reply. I had slight hopes when I like his status but
tried not to have expectations that he would actually start a conversation with
me.
My heart actually stopped when I got the message a few
minutes later. It was him asking me something about if I actually replied to
messages. And that’s where it began. I think it was about 9 o’clock that night
when the conversation started while he was at work and we spoke until 3 or 4am
in the morning. I don’t sleep a whole lot but I’ve never stayed up that late
talking to someone before. I didn’t even care, I just didn’t want the conversation
to end for fear that it would never happen again. But it did. He sent me an
inbox again after lunch the next day, and the next…and the next. We talked
every day for a while after that. I couldn’t believe that this guy seemed
interested in me and wanted to talk to me. He was the complete opposite to me,
yet we had similar thoughts. Our pasts were completely different also…you could
say he was kind of a stereotypical ‘bad’ boy. But that didn’t matter to me. In
my opinion, the past is in the past and it is your future and your intentions
that matter. What counts is if people want to change, if they can look back on
their past and realise their mistakes and want to make themselves a better
person because of them. I guess you could say that I wanted to be the one to
help this bad boy. To make him become the person I knew he could be. I didn’t
want to change him for my sake, but for his. So that he could appreciate
himself and realise that he was
someone special. He didn’t see what I saw in him. And all I wanted and still
hope for, is that he could. I know we have no future together but I still wish
that he can find that person who helps him see what he is. To go beyond what
people stereotype him to be from his looks and tattoos. Yes he has
imperfections, everyone does, but he has so many beautiful thoughts and values.
Number one being family. That means so much to me and my heart melted when I
realised it means everything to him also. I wish society could stop judging
people from what they see and get to know someone before they label them.
For reasons I don’t understand or even really know about,
this guy and I have very little communication nowadays. I believe everything
happens for a reason so maybe the reason is that it wouldn’t have worked in the
future anyway. Plus he is now moving away which I can’t help but feel slightly
saddened about. I have gotten a lot stronger over the past couple of weeks and I
think that my feelings towards him are slowly lessening. Which I am very
grateful for because being depressed was not a high point of my year. I became
so depressed that I used self-harm as a way out. It eased the pain of what I was
feeling and caused my thoughts to be put on hold. Drinking also numbed the pain
but I didn’t want to have to rely on alcohol or cutting myself to forever pause
these feelings. I ended up falling back onto my love for quotes and music. Though
they may not have been the most positive words or lyrics, it made me feel as
though I wasn’t alone and that I would get through all this. I even went on a
date with a different guy a few weeks ago to try and get over all of this but
that didn’t go so well. I always seem to go for the guys that are users and
only want one thing. I ended up doing more things with him than I normally
would have, especially seeing as though it was only a first date but that was
because of my depression and lack of caring about anything. All this may seem
dramatic but my feelings are either intense or not there at all. And it wasn’t
so much him specifically that caused me to become depressed, it was more the
fact that I have been hurt by so many things and nothing ever seems to work
out. I am constantly being used by guys because I am too nice and trust too
much. The consequences of all this is that I now trust no one and always have
my guard up.
But you know what the funny thing is? While I was out getting drunk, trying to forget about the latest guy who really hurt me, I ran into the first guy who lead me on. I hadn't seen him for 6-12 months since we stopped talking so I was waiting for a very awkward moment. But after a tiny little bit it was fine and we were acting like we always had! I am so grateful that we could get our friendship back and know that we could still communicate like we did. I have never been able to talk to someone so easily as I can with him and I think that's what made me fall for him in the first place. I am so happy that he has moved on and found himself a lovely girl and I believe they make the cutest couple. I am glad to still be friends with him and don't have any feelings for him anymore. That gives me hope that I can move on and eventually get over the second and latest guy who hurt me.
But you know what the funny thing is? While I was out getting drunk, trying to forget about the latest guy who really hurt me, I ran into the first guy who lead me on. I hadn't seen him for 6-12 months since we stopped talking so I was waiting for a very awkward moment. But after a tiny little bit it was fine and we were acting like we always had! I am so grateful that we could get our friendship back and know that we could still communicate like we did. I have never been able to talk to someone so easily as I can with him and I think that's what made me fall for him in the first place. I am so happy that he has moved on and found himself a lovely girl and I believe they make the cutest couple. I am glad to still be friends with him and don't have any feelings for him anymore. That gives me hope that I can move on and eventually get over the second and latest guy who hurt me.
Now I feel as though I am practically over the main guy who hurt
me but then I see a picture of him on social media and my heart hurts again. I think
there will always be a little piece of me that likes him no matter how hard I try
to move on but I know that in the end I will find that guy that makes me forget
all my mistakes. That makes me feel as though everything I have been through was
worth it all to discover him. Who won’t judge my past or my mistakes and
feelings and instead help me to see the positive of it all. I don’t want to
have to rely on a male but I do want to know there is always one there for me,
encouraging me to become the best person I can be and who will always be around
for cuddles whenever I need them. I cannot wait for the day when I meet that
person xx
03 April 2014: A Depression Experience
Something else I came across, this time on my Twitter feed from Cosmo magazine:
I was always drinking to the point of oblivion. It was impossible for me to go out and socially drink without getting hammered. It got really bad at school, but I would tell myself that I was 21, that this is what people do in college, that self-medicating this way was OK. But in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t. Once you realize you’re not drinking socially, and that you’re drinking to make your problems go away, it hits you. I realized over time I would do anything to be happy and that’s what did it. I was totally willing to go through life drunk, honestly. And I was willing to do it forever if it meant that I didn’t have to tell anyone that I was unhappy.
My secret was just that. I was so unhappy, and I didn’t know where to turn. For years, I hid everything from my parents. Nothing was ever wrong, per se, but the unhappiness got worse and worse. I smiled when I was supposed to and functioned like I was supposed to, but I just wasn’t happy. My parents didn’t want to believe that there was something wrong, because I assured them I was repeatedly that I was fine. But they absolutely suspected problems.
I’ve always been close to my parents, but I stopped coming home [from school] just because I didn’t want to admit something was wrong. I was afraid of their reactions. They’ve given me an incredible life! They are wonderful parents, but I was just dissatisfied so I shut them out. All my relationships faltered at that point in my life. I shut out friends, too, who knew something was up with me. I surrounded myself with people who faced mental health issues, too, and had not yet come to terms with it, either. I knew that none of it was OK and it made me sick.
Eventually, it broke me. I was on medication for awhile and never filled my prescription when I was supposed to. I would tell myself always, "I’ll do it tomorrow..." But I just kept having bad weeks and never refilled it. The withdrawals from medication that configures your brain chemistry are brutal. I went to my doctor knowing I’d have to start the medication again.
When you go in, they make you fill out basic intake questions. “On a scale of 1-10, how many days do you feel like a failure?” etc. I was relatively honest, but nothing really resonated with me. When I was called in, a doctor I didn’t normally have asked me if I ever felt suicidal before. It was then that I broke. Honestly, I don’t even think I said anything. Right then and there I collapsed to the ground. It was such a blur to me, it happened so fast. It’s hard for me to relive, I guess. I don’t know if I would have committed suicide — that [question] was something that pushed me over the edge because that’s never something you just shouldn’t know. It was a question I thought a lot about, but I always brushed it away as a selfish thought. That was the breakdown that led to my hospitalization.
Until this point, I didn’t receive help in college even though I knew there was something wrong with the way I handled situations and life in general. My partying got a little out of control, but drinking when I was sad to forget my problems was happening all the time. It was an absolutely unhealthy escape. I was under the impression that it would be selfish to get help. Honestly, I was plagued by the stigma that I now aim to end. It scares me to know that there are so many people our age who are in same boat as me. That’s why I knew I had to become so vocal about it.
When I came home after my hospitalization, it took me a long time to tell people. I deleted my Twitter account and deactivated my Facebook. I was so upset and still felt selfish. Within the next few days, though, some of my closer friends and family encouraged me. They helped me understand that this was not something I should be ashamed of.
I slowly got back into social media and let people know what happened to me. Once I started talking about it, the feedback I got was quite surreal. People just email me and say, “I know exactly what you went through,” and “I just need to get this off my chest.” That’s when I started talking about the good and the bad. My followers aren’t looking for advice, necessarily, but I think sometimes they just need someone who can listen or someone who can relate. I realized awhile ago that one of the healthier ways I would self-medicate was by writing. I also realized that when I would tweet anonymously and get this incredible feedback, it was easier to handle. My handle is more of a pen name than anything else.
The worst thing is when someone who is beautiful, successful, and smart decides to end his or her life and people say, “Oh, what a shame. She was so pretty. Why would she do that?” People need to know that depression is not always situational. Sometimes you are born with a biological condition and you cannot help yourself.
I remind people that I am not a counselor. I have no medical or professional experience, but I am merely speaking from my own experiences. I encourage people to get help. It is not as scary as it seems. It takes time to find the right medication and therapist. It definitely took months for me to feel something, to feel happy, but it was worth all the hard work to get there.
My secret was just that. I was so unhappy, and I didn’t know where to turn. For years, I hid everything from my parents. Nothing was ever wrong, per se, but the unhappiness got worse and worse. I smiled when I was supposed to and functioned like I was supposed to, but I just wasn’t happy. My parents didn’t want to believe that there was something wrong, because I assured them I was repeatedly that I was fine. But they absolutely suspected problems.
I’ve always been close to my parents, but I stopped coming home [from school] just because I didn’t want to admit something was wrong. I was afraid of their reactions. They’ve given me an incredible life! They are wonderful parents, but I was just dissatisfied so I shut them out. All my relationships faltered at that point in my life. I shut out friends, too, who knew something was up with me. I surrounded myself with people who faced mental health issues, too, and had not yet come to terms with it, either. I knew that none of it was OK and it made me sick.
Eventually, it broke me. I was on medication for awhile and never filled my prescription when I was supposed to. I would tell myself always, "I’ll do it tomorrow..." But I just kept having bad weeks and never refilled it. The withdrawals from medication that configures your brain chemistry are brutal. I went to my doctor knowing I’d have to start the medication again.
When you go in, they make you fill out basic intake questions. “On a scale of 1-10, how many days do you feel like a failure?” etc. I was relatively honest, but nothing really resonated with me. When I was called in, a doctor I didn’t normally have asked me if I ever felt suicidal before. It was then that I broke. Honestly, I don’t even think I said anything. Right then and there I collapsed to the ground. It was such a blur to me, it happened so fast. It’s hard for me to relive, I guess. I don’t know if I would have committed suicide — that [question] was something that pushed me over the edge because that’s never something you just shouldn’t know. It was a question I thought a lot about, but I always brushed it away as a selfish thought. That was the breakdown that led to my hospitalization.
Until this point, I didn’t receive help in college even though I knew there was something wrong with the way I handled situations and life in general. My partying got a little out of control, but drinking when I was sad to forget my problems was happening all the time. It was an absolutely unhealthy escape. I was under the impression that it would be selfish to get help. Honestly, I was plagued by the stigma that I now aim to end. It scares me to know that there are so many people our age who are in same boat as me. That’s why I knew I had to become so vocal about it.
When I came home after my hospitalization, it took me a long time to tell people. I deleted my Twitter account and deactivated my Facebook. I was so upset and still felt selfish. Within the next few days, though, some of my closer friends and family encouraged me. They helped me understand that this was not something I should be ashamed of.
I slowly got back into social media and let people know what happened to me. Once I started talking about it, the feedback I got was quite surreal. People just email me and say, “I know exactly what you went through,” and “I just need to get this off my chest.” That’s when I started talking about the good and the bad. My followers aren’t looking for advice, necessarily, but I think sometimes they just need someone who can listen or someone who can relate. I realized awhile ago that one of the healthier ways I would self-medicate was by writing. I also realized that when I would tweet anonymously and get this incredible feedback, it was easier to handle. My handle is more of a pen name than anything else.
The worst thing is when someone who is beautiful, successful, and smart decides to end his or her life and people say, “Oh, what a shame. She was so pretty. Why would she do that?” People need to know that depression is not always situational. Sometimes you are born with a biological condition and you cannot help yourself.
I remind people that I am not a counselor. I have no medical or professional experience, but I am merely speaking from my own experiences. I encourage people to get help. It is not as scary as it seems. It takes time to find the right medication and therapist. It definitely took months for me to feel something, to feel happy, but it was worth all the hard work to get there.
03 April 2014: 60 Little Tips That Can Change a Girl's Life
I came across this on a blog today and I absolutely love it!
60 Little Tips That Can Change a Girl’s Life
One small step for girls, one giant leap for womankind.
60 Little Tips That Can Change a Girl’s Life
One small step for girls, one giant leap for womankind.
- Download a banking app.
- Drink more herbal tea. It will save your life.
- Making your own coffee/tea instead of buying it will make you a rich woman.
- Always have at least 6 chap sticks stocked up.
- Check out thrift stores. You may have to wash things three times before you get the old lady smell out, but it’s well worth it.
- Never buy cheap jeans.
- Buy cheap sunglasses instead.
- Don’t chase boys.
- Wrinkle spray and a hair dryer erase all need to ever use an iron for all of you lazy ironers like me.
- Wear slippers when you have to drive in heels.
- Wear slippers when you’re travelling.
- Wear slippers at all moments that it’s even slightly acceptable to wear slippers.
- Spend a little extra money on your make up; it’s so worth it.
- Get running sneakers that are actually effective and not just cute.
- NEVER go to bed with your make up on.
- Get like a thousand packs of make up wipes, because they work the best.
- Buy your wine from a box, it’s way more cost efficient and being “wine classy” is so overrated.
- Carry headphones in your pocket at all times.
- Pick your girls over your boyfriend often, because almost always, the guys come and go and the girls are still there.
- Get a really nice strapless or “sticky bra” and you will realize how much better everything looks without your old straps popping out.
- Wash your face.
- THE DOLLAR TREE CAN AND WILL SAVE YOUR SOUL.
- Never neglect to paint your toe nails.
- Eat breakfast.
- Make a summer playlist for when you need to walk in the cold and start actually getting depressed.
- Get a super awesome coffee mug.
- Realize that you can pull off red lipstick, rock it girl.
- Make guys take you on dates that don’t involve a bar or dingy basement.
- Never try dieting pills or fads. It’s all a bunch of garbage, just be healthy.
- Call your mom when you need help.
- Forget name brands. No one really cares, and you will have three times the wardrobe to choose from if you shop at Tj Maxx and Marshalls first.
- Make sure you have at least one friend that likes your favorite TV shows.
- And your favorite snacks.
- There is this amazing invention called “boob tape” to wear with strapless dresses and you need to purchase it. You don’t need twenty candid photos of you pulling up your dress on the dance floor at a formal event anymore.
- Ask for a white coat underneath the color when you get your nails done and the color you wanted looks so much more vibrant. Also, go for the glitz nail.
- Never spend too much time crying over a boy.
- Order the dressing or sauce on the side ladies. You’d be amazed at the difference.
- Always try clothing on before you buy it. Don’t even try to reason with yourself, “Well I don’t need to try this on”, yes you do.
- Drink as much water as humanly possible.
- One foundation does not fit all. Your skin is unique; so spend the time to get a foundation that doesn’t look like you just smudged your face with paint.
- Use your iCalendar on your phone for reminders. It sends you emails and will give you instant organization.
- Get a microwaveable heat pad. Your cramps and back will thank you for the rest of your days.
- Understand that Ben and Jerry’s will always be the best remedy for a broken heart and no shame is ever needed in that.
- Stock your car, desk, and bags with hand sanitizer.
- Keep Advil in your purse for your every day headaches.
- Band-Aids too, heels are beautiful little monsters.
- Befriend store associates because they actually will help you.
- Light butter popcorn is actually a great choice.
- Exercise when you’re stressed out.
- You can and will never have too many pairs of underwear. Buy as many as you want girlfriend.
- Find the perfect moisturizer.
- Accessories are life changing.
- Take bubble baths.
- Have granola bars on hand at all times.
- Read as much as you can for your own enjoyment. You shouldn’t forget about what interests you.
- Look natural in photos and smile with your teeth. Don’t do that weird grimace smile; your teeth are perfect just the way they are.
- Don’t blow off going to the doctor or dentist. It’s incredibly important to take care of your body.
- Get your beauty sleep.
- Use hand lotion.
- Make chocolate chip pancakes when ever possible.
24 March 2014: Random Thoughts on Love
I let out a long sigh and realised I was just sitting there staring…thinking. Thinking about the past, present and the future. Wondering why things go the way they do and why they never work out the way I hope. After thinking the same thing over and over, I was beginning to realise it was because of expectations. I set the bar high for reality, imagining how things will go and work out, always ending up disappointed when they differ from what the expectations I had dreamt up. The cause for getting lost in my thoughts tonight was the same as any other night. Males. I don’t know who thought up the quote “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them”, but in relation to males, it is 100% correct. Ask any teenage girl…they would have had at least one problem with a certain male in the last few months. Sure males are probably in the same boat when it comes to girls, but I am not under that category. My main problems with males are that the ones I like don’t like me back. Actually, truthfully, they don’t even know I like them. I’m one of those girls that keeps quiet and crushes from afar. They are never far away in my thoughts but in reality, the most communication I have with them is by stalking their Facebook page.
Oh man, how sad is that? Stalking their Facebook page. Truly shows how successful my love life is huh.
Sure I get guys talking to me and wanting to hang out, but it always seems to be the guys that you don’t want to hang out with. The ones that are interested in you, you aren’t interested in and vice versa. I strongly believe that true love is a rare thing and once you find it, it will never be taken away. No matter the circumstances, that love will continue to exist in both people’s hearts and will only grow stronger as time and distance increases. Some memories may fade but that love won’t only need memories to exist.
And it’s scary to think about the fact that you could believe you love someone, your boyfriend, your fiancé, but then you meet your real true love. How rare is it that you will end up at the same place at the same time? And what does true love feel like? Do you know at the exact second of seeing someone? Does it happen after you talk to them for the first time? After the first smile passed between you and him? The first few seconds of joint eye contact? Is love at first sight really a thing? Does it exist? I always used to say that looks don’t matter in a relationship, but I’ve realised that they really do. You can meet the nicest guy who is a complete gentleman but if you are not attracted to him, it just won’t work out. You won’t get the good kind of butterflies in your stomach every time you see him, you won’t feel the few seconds of joy every time you see a text from him, and you won’t be interested in absolutely everything he says. Everyone deserves to have their true love. To find that someone that makes them want to get out of bed every morning and be a better person in every way. It shouldn’t just be a fairy tale or a dream in the back of everyone’s mind. It shouldn’t be so rare that people question its existence. It should be something for people to dream about, but be it a dream that will come true. A dream that’s in the very distant future.
Oh man, how sad is that? Stalking their Facebook page. Truly shows how successful my love life is huh.
Sure I get guys talking to me and wanting to hang out, but it always seems to be the guys that you don’t want to hang out with. The ones that are interested in you, you aren’t interested in and vice versa. I strongly believe that true love is a rare thing and once you find it, it will never be taken away. No matter the circumstances, that love will continue to exist in both people’s hearts and will only grow stronger as time and distance increases. Some memories may fade but that love won’t only need memories to exist.
And it’s scary to think about the fact that you could believe you love someone, your boyfriend, your fiancé, but then you meet your real true love. How rare is it that you will end up at the same place at the same time? And what does true love feel like? Do you know at the exact second of seeing someone? Does it happen after you talk to them for the first time? After the first smile passed between you and him? The first few seconds of joint eye contact? Is love at first sight really a thing? Does it exist? I always used to say that looks don’t matter in a relationship, but I’ve realised that they really do. You can meet the nicest guy who is a complete gentleman but if you are not attracted to him, it just won’t work out. You won’t get the good kind of butterflies in your stomach every time you see him, you won’t feel the few seconds of joy every time you see a text from him, and you won’t be interested in absolutely everything he says. Everyone deserves to have their true love. To find that someone that makes them want to get out of bed every morning and be a better person in every way. It shouldn’t just be a fairy tale or a dream in the back of everyone’s mind. It shouldn’t be so rare that people question its existence. It should be something for people to dream about, but be it a dream that will come true. A dream that’s in the very distant future.
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