26 July 2014: A Note To You

And what if I can’t bring myself to delete your pictures? Or to erase your words and the moments we shared? Because I know we’re over, I know we’ve ended. But I’m not angry at you. I can’t be angry at you. I still look at you and your photos with as much compassion as I always did. And a part of me always will. A piece of you will forever be in my heart and a part of my life and my past will be reserved just for you. Whether that be in memories or feelings, please know that I’m always here for you xx

26 July 2014: Young and Oblivious

I miss how things used to be. How when we were younger we were easily amused and carefree.

I miss the little things that granted so much happiness and the way everyday felt like a brand new adventure.

I miss how everyone was once innocent and knew nothing of stereotypes.

I miss the way our problems were almost non-existent and stress wasn’t even in our vocabulary.

26 July 2014: Danger To Myself

Sometimes I am a huge danger to myself and take risks just for the sake of it. When I get in my depressed moods is when most of these risks occur. Because in those moments I don’t care about anything anymore. I walk around in a numb state of mind, both physically and mentally.

The dangerous situations that I get stuck in are purely my own fault. I know the consequences and I know the possible harsh effects. In an attempt to change who I was, to become a different person, someone who I think other people wanted me to be. To feel accepted, to become social, to tick things off my bucket list and achieve what I want to in life. In the end though, I either majorly regret it or feel especially proud.

I extract myself from situations for no reason at all. I get in this down mood where only one or two certain people can pull me up from.

26 July 2014: Goodbye and Good Riddance

I think it’s sad that people wish away so much of their lives. That we want to erase numerous parts of our past. That we just “can’t wait for this week to be over”.

06 July 2014: I Think Of You Every Single Day

For the one I miss the most who I will never be able to see again. No matter how strange, I think of you everyday and I would give anything to have one more moment with you. This song is yours. Love you forever x

My heart feels like it's broken

Like I'm missing a piece of my soul

I feel you watching from above

Each day as I grow old

I feel like you're a part of me

That you would have really cared

Like you felt all my pain

For the three months you were here

 

Oh I want to know you

I just want you in my life

To have you hear all about my day

And have lunch with you on a Sunday

It's moments like these I wish we could share

For now we're apart, but one day I'll join you up there

 

I've heard all the stories

About your redeeming qualities

About your love for fast cars

And your kindness and generosity

Tears well in my eyes as I picture you, in my mind

And as your birthday passes and we celebrate your life

I can't help but wonder, if you were still here, what it would be like.

I can only imagine that you are with me in every way

Filling my life with love, each and every day

 

Oh I want to know you

I just want you in my life

To have you hear all about my day

And have lunch with you on a Sunday

It's moments like these I wish we could share

For now we're apart, but one day I'll join you up there

 

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You're not in my sight but you are in my mind

Photographs are all I'm left with, without them I'm blind.

When the stars align and the skies turn grey

I will finally be able to see you

When heaven takes me away

For now, I pray.

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Oh I want to know you

I just want you in my life

To have you hear all about my day

And have lunch with you on a Sunday

It's moments like these I wish we could share

For now we're apart, but one day I'll join you up there

24 March 2014: Random Thoughts on Love

I let out a long sigh and realised I was just sitting there staring…thinking.  Thinking about the past, present and the future.  Wondering why things go the way they do and why they never work out the way I hope.  After thinking the same thing over and over, I was beginning to realise it was because of expectations.  I set the bar high for reality, imagining how things will go and work out, always ending up disappointed when they differ from what the expectations I had dreamt up.  The cause for getting lost in my thoughts tonight was the same as any other night. Males. I don’t know who thought up the quote “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them”, but in relation to males, it is 100% correct. Ask any teenage girl…they would have had at least one problem with a certain male in the last few months. Sure males are probably in the same boat when it comes to girls, but I am not under that category. My main problems with males are that the ones I like don’t like me back. Actually, truthfully, they don’t even know I like them. I’m one of those girls that keeps quiet and crushes from afar. They are never far away in my thoughts but in reality, the most communication I have with them is by stalking their Facebook page.

Oh man, how sad is that? Stalking their Facebook page. Truly shows how successful my love life is huh.

Sure I get guys talking to me and wanting to hang out, but it always seems to be the guys that you don’t want to hang out with. The ones that are interested in you, you aren’t interested in and vice versa. I strongly believe that true love is a rare thing and once you find it, it will never be taken away. No matter the circumstances, that love will continue to exist in both people’s hearts and will only grow stronger as time and distance increases. Some memories may fade but that love won’t only need memories to exist.

And it’s scary to think about the fact that you could believe you love someone, your boyfriend, your fiancé, but then you meet your real true love. How rare is it that you will end up at the same place at the same time? And what does true love feel like? Do you know at the exact second of seeing someone? Does it happen after you talk to them for the first time? After the first smile passed between you and him? The first few seconds of joint eye contact? Is love at first sight really a thing? Does it exist? I always used to say that looks don’t matter in a relationship, but I’ve realised that they really do. You can meet the nicest guy who is a complete gentleman but if you are not attracted to him, it just won’t work out. You won’t get the good kind of butterflies in your stomach every time you see him, you won’t feel the few seconds of joy every time you see a text from him, and you won’t be interested in absolutely everything he says. Everyone deserves to have their true love. To find that someone that makes them want to get out of bed every morning and be a better person in every way. It shouldn’t just be a fairy tale or a dream in the back of everyone’s mind. It shouldn’t be so rare that people question its existence. It should be something for people to dream about, but be it a dream that will come true. A dream that’s in the very distant future.